What we (females) say and what we really mean
Man's greatest achievement wasn't discovering fire. Or the wheel. Or the word. Forget electricity, phones and computers. These are achievements for humans. When looking at men though, there is one single victory, one single achievement. And very few men have been able to reach it.
That great achievement is understanding a woman.
Now let's be honest, women don't understand women. When people ask me why I don't go out of my way to be friends with females and why most of my closest friends are male, I can only tell them that I don't get along with my own sex. I don't have a lot in common with most females, they like shopping for clothes, I like shopping for books. They like buying cosmetic products, I like buying food. They like keeping fit, I love my tummy!
But people have exaggerated the female mind. It isn't some labyrinth where you will lose your way. We aren't all that bad! There are a few who seem to talk in riddles, and you need to decode everything they say. But there are males who also do that. And if you can't read in between the lines, you are screwed because you will not get the message.
So if you have a good sarcasm detector and know how to read a person's mind just a bit, then it won't be as difficult to understand people, especially women. But I'll make it a bit easier for you. Now I don't spend my days making lists, so I'll be typing whatever comes to my head, and whatever people have told me.
(Of course, we have to assume I'm the average female, which I think I am. Or we would have issues with generalization - Booyah! Psychology word!)
"I'm Fine"
When you ask me how I am, and I say, "I'm fine" or just, "fine" it means that I am fine. Since not many people seem to understand the meaning of fine, here's a definition.
"Fine (Adverb) : In a satisfactory or pleasing manner; very well: “And how's the job?” “Oh, fine.”
However, there are time when I say I'm fine but don't mean it. This is not because I want you to go on asking me what's wrong until I give in and tell you that I am in fact not fine. I will tell you all's good because I don't want to burden you with my problems. Because you don't need to deal with my lame issues. Or maybe because I don't feel we are close enough for me to tell you my latest dilemma. So if I tell you I'm fine, take it as it is.
"Oh it's not a good picture of me" or "I don't look that nice"
I'm not fishing for compliments. I don't like compliments, I don't know what to do with them. Wait, correction! I love compliments. Who doesn't? It's the few seconds of awkwardness that follows that I dislike. They are thinking, "Was that a bit too much of a compliment?" and I'm thinking, "Holy shit, what do I say now? Should I compliment them back or will that sound fake? But if I don't they may think I'm rude..."
So when I say I don't look that good, I mean it. There are days when I look at an outfit and think, "Damn! I'm dressed to impress." Let's be honest, we all do that. But there are days when I know I look terrible. My hair is a mess, my clothes look bad and I don't even feel like smiling. On such a day if you try to tell me I look nice, just to make me feel better, I will only want to punch you.
Hugs
Yesterday I was talking to a male friend and he said the best gift you can give a girl is a hug. And it was one of those, "why can't all men think like this" moment because when I'm happy, I want a hug. When I'm sad, I want a hug. I don't even particularly like physical contact with others. When someone's hand is on me, whether its on my head, hand or shoulder, my only thought is, "OMG! Where have those hands been?" But if someone I don't mind wants to hug me, I would never decline the offer. Hugs are awesome, end of story.
Chocolate, Candy and Flowers
I can't eat sweets, and unless you give me gummy bears, or any other gummy shape, or Ferrero Rocher, I will give it away to someone else. So chocolates and candy don' work on me. But flowers. OMG! If someone gave me flowers on any day, random or special, I would get married to them. Flowers are beautiful, and daisies, roses... Just about anything works.
The Girly Jargon
Most females have very little in common with the women portrayed in movies. You know how those four brats in Pretty Little Liars are always dressed as if they are models? Ya, we never dress like that. You will most probably find us in baggy shorts, huge tshirt and really messy hair.
So don't make all these snide remarks about how we spend most of our time in front of a mirror. It annoys us and we will forever hate you for the insults.
Food
When we say we don't eat anything fatty or sweet or in general decline food, do not ridicule the diet we are on so we could lose weight. Most of us have issues with oily food because it doesn't taste that good, and not because it will make us fat! I avoid sweets because of bad tooth aches and not because I worry about my body shape. So don't just assume we all want to look like anorexics! Also with things like burgers or doughnuts or ice cream, I'm not much of a neat and tidy eater. I love to gobble my food up. So if we are hanging out and I don't want to scare you away, I will decline any kind of food that will make me make a mess.
Pimples
We know its there on our face, like Mount Everest. We see it slightly, the way we see our noses. We feel it because it itches and its red, or worse, yellow, and its just painful. Do not say things like, "Oh! Look at that pimple," because we will cut you. And I'm not even kidding.
Okay or K
If you ask me a question or tell me something, and my reply is okay, this is what I mean.
Okay :) - Ah cool story, but I don't know what else to say about it or you haven't given me a way to reply
Okay - Story is cool. But I mayn't be as interested in it as you thought I would be
Ok - Just shut up with your story
K - You are in some deep deep shit!
(So I ran out of things to discuss and am now giving my opinion about the search results I got for, "What women say and what they really mean")
We need to talk
If I tell you this, it means I need to tell you something. It could be good news, but its most probably bad news. But maybe it's just something I need to get off my chest, could be about something I feel, and you don't need to be worried.
"I don't need a gift"
Just please don't buy me a gift because I'll feel really bad, and feel like I should also get you something. But if you do get me a gift, I will always love you.
"Aren't you sleepy?"
If we are texting, chatting or talking late in the night, and I ask you about your bed time, I'm for one, not trying to seduce you. Nor am I trying to tell you that I'm sleepy and we should stop talking. No, I'm worried that you are staying up way past your bedtime, because of me and I'm giving you the opportunity to end the conversation.
"I've been really busy"
Life has been hectic BUT I may also not feel like talking with you. Either you annoy me, we don't have the same interests or I'm feeling extremely asocial. Get the hint and leave.
"Do I look fat?"
Look, I know I'm not skinny. I have a tummy. So just tell me if this dress or outfit makes me look bigger than usual. I know stripes don't always work, so I'm looking for an honest opinion.
"Men are all the same"
More than just a handful of men have broken my heart, or have hurt me. They could have been my friends but they hurt me, so I am now extremely careful with males. Also I'm telling you to prove to me that you are worth it.
"I really like you as a friend"
If I have to specify the friend bit, maybe I feel like you don't like me that way so I'm disappointed. But if this is a reply to you saying you like me, it could mean that I just can't hand anything more than friendship, but if you ask me again, I may just say yes. Or it could mean that I'm really not interested in you that way.
So that's it for this post, and men, I hope you understand us a bit better now :)
That great achievement is understanding a woman.
Now let's be honest, women don't understand women. When people ask me why I don't go out of my way to be friends with females and why most of my closest friends are male, I can only tell them that I don't get along with my own sex. I don't have a lot in common with most females, they like shopping for clothes, I like shopping for books. They like buying cosmetic products, I like buying food. They like keeping fit, I love my tummy!
But people have exaggerated the female mind. It isn't some labyrinth where you will lose your way. We aren't all that bad! There are a few who seem to talk in riddles, and you need to decode everything they say. But there are males who also do that. And if you can't read in between the lines, you are screwed because you will not get the message.
So if you have a good sarcasm detector and know how to read a person's mind just a bit, then it won't be as difficult to understand people, especially women. But I'll make it a bit easier for you. Now I don't spend my days making lists, so I'll be typing whatever comes to my head, and whatever people have told me.
(Of course, we have to assume I'm the average female, which I think I am. Or we would have issues with generalization - Booyah! Psychology word!)
"I'm Fine"
When you ask me how I am, and I say, "I'm fine" or just, "fine" it means that I am fine. Since not many people seem to understand the meaning of fine, here's a definition.
"Fine (Adverb) : In a satisfactory or pleasing manner; very well: “And how's the job?” “Oh, fine.”
However, there are time when I say I'm fine but don't mean it. This is not because I want you to go on asking me what's wrong until I give in and tell you that I am in fact not fine. I will tell you all's good because I don't want to burden you with my problems. Because you don't need to deal with my lame issues. Or maybe because I don't feel we are close enough for me to tell you my latest dilemma. So if I tell you I'm fine, take it as it is.
"Oh it's not a good picture of me" or "I don't look that nice"
I'm not fishing for compliments. I don't like compliments, I don't know what to do with them. Wait, correction! I love compliments. Who doesn't? It's the few seconds of awkwardness that follows that I dislike. They are thinking, "Was that a bit too much of a compliment?" and I'm thinking, "Holy shit, what do I say now? Should I compliment them back or will that sound fake? But if I don't they may think I'm rude..."
So when I say I don't look that good, I mean it. There are days when I look at an outfit and think, "Damn! I'm dressed to impress." Let's be honest, we all do that. But there are days when I know I look terrible. My hair is a mess, my clothes look bad and I don't even feel like smiling. On such a day if you try to tell me I look nice, just to make me feel better, I will only want to punch you.
Hugs
Yesterday I was talking to a male friend and he said the best gift you can give a girl is a hug. And it was one of those, "why can't all men think like this" moment because when I'm happy, I want a hug. When I'm sad, I want a hug. I don't even particularly like physical contact with others. When someone's hand is on me, whether its on my head, hand or shoulder, my only thought is, "OMG! Where have those hands been?" But if someone I don't mind wants to hug me, I would never decline the offer. Hugs are awesome, end of story.
Chocolate, Candy and Flowers
I can't eat sweets, and unless you give me gummy bears, or any other gummy shape, or Ferrero Rocher, I will give it away to someone else. So chocolates and candy don' work on me. But flowers. OMG! If someone gave me flowers on any day, random or special, I would get married to them. Flowers are beautiful, and daisies, roses... Just about anything works.
The Girly Jargon
Most females have very little in common with the women portrayed in movies. You know how those four brats in Pretty Little Liars are always dressed as if they are models? Ya, we never dress like that. You will most probably find us in baggy shorts, huge tshirt and really messy hair.
So don't make all these snide remarks about how we spend most of our time in front of a mirror. It annoys us and we will forever hate you for the insults.
Food
When we say we don't eat anything fatty or sweet or in general decline food, do not ridicule the diet we are on so we could lose weight. Most of us have issues with oily food because it doesn't taste that good, and not because it will make us fat! I avoid sweets because of bad tooth aches and not because I worry about my body shape. So don't just assume we all want to look like anorexics! Also with things like burgers or doughnuts or ice cream, I'm not much of a neat and tidy eater. I love to gobble my food up. So if we are hanging out and I don't want to scare you away, I will decline any kind of food that will make me make a mess.
Pimples
We know its there on our face, like Mount Everest. We see it slightly, the way we see our noses. We feel it because it itches and its red, or worse, yellow, and its just painful. Do not say things like, "Oh! Look at that pimple," because we will cut you. And I'm not even kidding.
Okay or K
If you ask me a question or tell me something, and my reply is okay, this is what I mean.
Okay :) - Ah cool story, but I don't know what else to say about it or you haven't given me a way to reply
Okay - Story is cool. But I mayn't be as interested in it as you thought I would be
Ok - Just shut up with your story
K - You are in some deep deep shit!
(So I ran out of things to discuss and am now giving my opinion about the search results I got for, "What women say and what they really mean")
We need to talk
If I tell you this, it means I need to tell you something. It could be good news, but its most probably bad news. But maybe it's just something I need to get off my chest, could be about something I feel, and you don't need to be worried.
"I don't need a gift"
Just please don't buy me a gift because I'll feel really bad, and feel like I should also get you something. But if you do get me a gift, I will always love you.
"Aren't you sleepy?"
If we are texting, chatting or talking late in the night, and I ask you about your bed time, I'm for one, not trying to seduce you. Nor am I trying to tell you that I'm sleepy and we should stop talking. No, I'm worried that you are staying up way past your bedtime, because of me and I'm giving you the opportunity to end the conversation.
"I've been really busy"
Life has been hectic BUT I may also not feel like talking with you. Either you annoy me, we don't have the same interests or I'm feeling extremely asocial. Get the hint and leave.
"Do I look fat?"
Look, I know I'm not skinny. I have a tummy. So just tell me if this dress or outfit makes me look bigger than usual. I know stripes don't always work, so I'm looking for an honest opinion.
"Men are all the same"
More than just a handful of men have broken my heart, or have hurt me. They could have been my friends but they hurt me, so I am now extremely careful with males. Also I'm telling you to prove to me that you are worth it.
"I really like you as a friend"
If I have to specify the friend bit, maybe I feel like you don't like me that way so I'm disappointed. But if this is a reply to you saying you like me, it could mean that I just can't hand anything more than friendship, but if you ask me again, I may just say yes. Or it could mean that I'm really not interested in you that way.
So that's it for this post, and men, I hope you understand us a bit better now :)
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