Control
I remember talking with a friend about why we drink and the reason was that for those few hours, we don’t have to be in control of our lives. We forget whatever is taking up space in our minds. We forget work and shitty people and everything that makes life difficult. For those few hours, we can float around and say whatever without worrying about every little thing. This giving up of control is something I yearn for sometimes. I look for that feeling of not being me anymore. But this isn’t something I want all the time, which is why I flip out whenever I don’t have control of a situation at any other time. This is why the moment I had to sign a contract at work, I felt like I could no longer control my relationship with my place of employment. When I have to sit still for a long time, I start to freak out because I can’t just walk away. And then there is control over my emotions. There are times when my thoughts keep crashing into each other. When I can’t help but be sad for n