'Cause Pigs can Fly

When I was 21, a boy – or should I say man? – I wasn’t particularly fond of told me he liked me and because beggars can’t be choosers, I decided to give it a shot. When my mother got wind of this or maybe I just told her, she discouraged it, saying he was not suitable for me. She had a point. We were seated in the veranda when we had this conversation. It was past 7pm and too dark for us to see each other’s faces. A blessing, really, because I already felt so exposed. I remember saying, “I deserve to be happy.” A few days later, I told this boy I didn’t really like him and we ended things and he went on to find happiness elsewhere. Prior to this, I had only had one other person show any interest in me and he too, found happiness elsewhere. Since then, I’ve mostly remained by myself, convincing myself and those around me that I didn’t need a relationship or love. But I kept searching for happiness, because by then, the unhappiness I had felt since my teens had become a compa

Summer is not a season I’m familiar with. Autumn, winter, spring, none of them are. We have the monsoon and the warm weeks leading up to it. Perhaps the end of summer is like those final weeks of unbearable heat before the skies unleash on us rain and thunder, making us long for those drier days. We have been in lockdown for a month. This month feels like a year because during the weeks leading up to it, there was some form of self-imposed lockdown most of us practiced. With the exception of a handful of outings, to drop off food, visit my father, get vaccinated, or buy groceries, my life has been limited to the rectangular plot of land we have lived on all my life. Walks to the back of the garden to burn trash or pluck a lemon, running to the gate to accept a delivery, these are the extent of my travels. I even missed the occasion of my brother’s marriage because it would have been wrong to go. I have been telling myself that all this was done because it is the right thing to do