Perks of Being a Girl

I’m not going to deny that I’ve wished I was born a boy. Men seem to have it so easy! Still women are lucky too. We just don’t want to admit it.

A friend was talking about how lucky we are to be females. If nothing works out, we can always just get married and depend on the man. The males have no choice, they must study and work. Ever heard a son being told, “It’s okay Putha, if you can’t find a job, just get married to a nice, rich girl”?

Now one of the best things about being a girl is bum shorts and shorts in general. Let’s admit it, a man should never wear shorts that are shorter than knee length. Boys can, like small kiddos, not anyone else. It’s disturbing! But females. Ah! Those glorious shorts! And clothes in general. We can wear guy colours and girl colours. We can wear guy clothes and girl clothes. We can wear any length.

So a female is gaining weight, no one would dare say it to her. A guy, on the other hand, isn’t so fortunate. Hello! They have no feelings so why not tell them they are fat? And we aren’t talking about subtle hints like, “hmm maybe a fourth slice of pizza is a bad idea” or “machan, shall we hit the gym soon?” we are talking about, “Dude! You are fat! Jesus, can you see past that tummy?”

Then we have male chivalry. Men hold open doors for us, offer to carry stuff for us and make us feel like princesses. Now I’m not to demand anything, but I absolutely love it when men fuss over me. It’s really sweet and cute! And how do women treat men? Like slaves!

We also have a billion and one excuses to avoid doing things. Men don’t understand the female body and mind so they never try to challenge our excuses. They don’t ask us what’s wrong when we say we are sick, the answer may scar them for life. And we avoid doing a whole lot of things, working hard, carrying heavy things and just anything in general.

Now I don’t drink or go partying or clubbing. I just don’t. But I’ve seen all those club posters that say, “Females walk in free” or “free drinks for females” and trust me, those deals just make me actually consider clubbing. If it’s free, then anything is worth a shot! (Also, Amma and Thathee, if you are reading this, you know that I will never ACTUALLY drink or go clubbing or partying or anything.)

There’s also the money issue. You go out on a date, or even on a not-a-date and the male is expected (by society) to pay. So we just smile and look around as if we didn’t see the waiter leaving the bill on the table. And then the guy takes out his wallet, finds the money and then we go all, “oh no no, I’ll pay, or we’ll split the bill” and yet we never even take our purse out. Because for centuries, the man has pain and we aren’t about to change tradition!

Dresses! I hate dresses because I don’t know how to sit like a lady and there’s a really embarrassing pic of me in my uniform, sitting like a… well, it’s not very lady like. So I avoid dresses, but they are awesome. Your body can breathe and even if you don’t look that good, dresses make you feel so effing gorgeous! And your bum looks nice, and in general dresses are awesome. Can men wear them? No!

If we are hanging out and we feel like a picture, we can always take one. Guys are a bit more awkward when it comes to suggesting a photograph, especially of them alone. And selfies! Good lord! We abuse our right to take and post selfies. Very few men dare take selfies and very few can pose. So their profile pictures can be changed only every year or so because they don’t have any good pictures!

We can also cry and be honest about our emotions. We can watch a Nicholas Sparks book turned into a movie and cry and no one can say anything. We can love boybands like One Direction and no one gives an eff! The puppy-dog look can make us cry and it’s not weird. Can a boy do these things? Can a boy admit Wall-E made him cry?

We can also be really mean idiots! So we reject a guy or we cut him off and the guy is supposed to respect the female’s decision. A man cuts us off and we turn into leaches and follow him around? It’s considered cute! I’ve been super mean to guys and they are expected to be men and take it all! But a man is mean to me, and all hell breaks loose!

So the list shouldn’t end here. There are many more perks of being a girl. But for now, we’ll stop here J