The Perfect Man List



Every girl, even the least girly of them, pictures her wedding even before she knows what love is. The fairy tales all ended in some grand wedding and we were brought up believing that that is how our story would/should end. No one ever told us that after a day of looking pretty, the wife is then expected to cook, clean and whatnot for her husband. Slowly, girls stop dreaming of the perfect wedding. Instead they focus on something more possible; the perfect man.


(Now men, if you are reading this, do not think this is in anyway one of those posts written for a specific person. And if you fit the description, please do not get your hopes up. I have a list, but I don’t actually want a perfect guy. Or even an imperfect guy. Or anyone.)


So first on the list is; no drinking, smoking or doing drugs. I know I sound boring but, drugs are dangerous, cigarettes make you smell like rotten vegetables and alcohol is deceptive. I don’t want to be a nanny to anyone, I don’t want to be embarrassed by anyone. So the PM (Perfect Man not Prime Minister) cannot indulge in the great evils of this world.


He also cannot gamble. Nor can he be stingy. Not that he should just throw away money, but he shouldn’t try to save every penny.


A warm heart is a must. If he shouts at beggars or never gives them money, then he’s not for me. I need a man who will happily buy poor people food or give them money or buy what they sell.


No non-readers allowed! Look, I read. A lot. I love collecting books and spending hours in bookstores. If you aren’t willing to stand in silence, browsing through books, then don’t even think of talking with me. I don’t even like it when my friends don’t read, so how can I expect my PM to not read?!?


Be a little childlike. You cannot be immature, but you can’t be a serious adult. Do random things with me, blow soap bubbles, sing Hakuna Matata!


Have patience. My job, scatter brained-ness and general way of living means people have to have a lot of patience with me. If you are as short tempered as I am, we won’t last long. We’ll just kill each other.


Get the hint! Look, I will most definitely tell you I don’t do a call a day or a text every three-four hours. I don’t need gifts or flowers or whatever. But I love feeling special, so when I tell you, “Oh I don’t need anything,” what I’m actually saying is, “go buy me a dozen flowers and maybe some green or orange TipiTip!”


He cannot be weight-conscious. I love food, and I love people who eat with me. Don’t go on about hitting the gym and your abs. I don’t like guys with ‘perfect’ bodies. Don’t count the calories you swallow. Just eat and don’t be a health freak!



The list goes on, but I’m still not sure of what else is on it. And yes, I do know that I will never find a man who fits the description.

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