Maintaning Friendships

No man can live alone and throughout the journey that is life, we meet new people. Of these, those you have a lot in common with and are able to be comfortable with easily become your friends. Some friendships take time. From friendship blooms love, through the mutual understanding between two people and acceptance of the various individual differences.

Friends are the people you want to spend your time with and as time passes the memories will also collect. However, some friends do not last forever. Sometimes, best friends stop being as close as they once were. You stop sharing all your secrets with them and spend less time with them. Sometimes, friends become strangers to you. Someone you knew all your life will suddenly or slowly stop being your friend. This is especially so when you realize certain characteristics that you do not agree with.

As with all kinds of relationships, friends too have their various arguments and rows. There are times when these are resolved and whatever differences are soon water under the bridge. However, there are times when friends are pulled away from each other for various reasons. What is important is to not let resolvable issues end friendships.

The culture most of us are brought up gives us the opportunity to mingle with those from various ethnic communities. Sadly, many tend to let cultural and other beliefs decide who one could be friends with. While our beliefs do say a lot about who we are, they should not be a barrier to the various relationships we form in life. Instead, it should help us be more tolerant and accepting of beliefs that vary from our own. This is the foundation of friendship; acceptance and tolerance. No two people are alike, this is what makes us all unique. However, if we are unwilling to accept the differences in others, we cannot maintain friendships.

Age is also a huge factor here. When you are young, you will associate with people your age. However, as you move on in life, you will make friends with those older or younger to you. This will require a lot of understanding of another’s opinions and explanations. For while people may have a lot in common, they do not have everything in common. While your preference of ice cream flavors may not end a friendship with someone, your moral beliefs may. If these differences are acceptable, then you must make an effort to be more tolerant.

Time is also a huge barrier when maintaining friendships. The friends you made during your school years will slowly move away from you and you will slowly move away from them. Very often we see our parents meeting long lost friends and we promise ourselves to always keep in touch with our friends. However, once you stop seeing them on a nearly daily basis and once your life slowly changes, it is difficult to maintain friendships. Today social networking allows people to stay connected. Yet, being friends on a social networking site is not the same as actually being someone’s friend. Thus it is important to not only make time for your friends but also make it a point to meet frequently. It need not be for a long time, a meal or movie would do.

Friendship doesn’t just happen. It needs a lot of working on. An effort has to be made to be someone’s friend, and you must never wait for the other to make that effort. It might throw you out of your comfort zone, but make that first move. Attitudes like, “I won’t talk to him until he talks to me” will not help maintain a friendship.

Be the shoulder your friend could lean on. When you hit rock bottom, there will be someone you can talk to. He may not offer a solution to your problem, maybe he can’t. However, that friend will be there for you and listen to your complaints and problems. Most assume friendship is a one way agreement; you tell, but never listen. This will only make your friendships short-lived. Listen to your friends’ troubles and offer words of advice whenever you can. Be the friend you look for in life.

Keeping your promises is also important when maintaining friendships. Do not be a backstabbing, two faced friend. Friendship demands honesty and if you are not willing to be a good friend to someone, do not expect others to be a good friend to you.

No matter what, do not forget your first friends. Many people abandon their friends for luxury, wealth and fame. Yet, when nothing else is left, they realize what they need to most in life are those friends of their past. People you grew up with know your story, they understand you. You may not have a lot in common with your best friend during first grade, yet, they will understand you more than someone you met two years ago. Give people of the past room in your life.

Maintaining friendships is not easy. Time is the easiest barrier to overcome. Do not let silly issues come between a friend who is worth your time. It is not easy to trust and love someone, a true friend isn’t easy to find. Thus it is important to maintain friendships and cherish them until the very end.

The Nation Jeans, June 30 2013