To Move On
We live our lives doing every possible thing we can to make sure people miss us when we are gone. May be not intentionally, but every message we send, every conversation, every smile. Those things make us mean more to people. And how much we are missed depends on how much we meant to someone.
For the purposes of explaining this, well, someone I've spoken to may be twice would miss me less than someone who I've spoken to a dozen times. And someone I have known for a month will take less time to stop missing me than someone who knew me for one year. In the end, people stop missing us at some point.
And yet, some twisted thing in our mind makes us assume that we will never get over someone. I recently made a 'People of the Past' list. Here I listed the names of the people who once meant a lot to me. The people I pushed away in my life. There are four names on that list. Four people I once loved or thought I did and don't care about anymore. And it's not people who I was once friends with. And maybe have a few short conversations with now. But these are people I've completely cut off.
So I always feared the names that would be added to the list. People who stopped mattering. Then I realized that at some point everyone stops mattering. You stop missing people.
Now if someone you saw on a daily basis just left, you will fear not having them there anymore. Then you will miss them. So lets say a close relative died. At first you'll miss their presence. Then their mug or clothes or whatever will remind you of them. Then those things will be either thrown away or will be used by someone else. And then, slowly you stop missing them. You would suddenly maybe remember them, but you won't miss them.
Yet, why is the process of moving on so difficult? You feel like your world is crumbling to the ground. And then even as soon as a few days later, you won't be waiting for their calls or messages. You move on and its not always because they have been replaced. But because you simply stopped needing them in your life.
Should moving on be so easy? Should we just forget people? Well, that's how life is. You think people are so important to you but then they leave and you realize that they just don't matter anymore.
But sometimes people need to leave. They help you through life and whatnot, but it's when they leave that you understand certain things about your self. And then there's no use of thinking, "I wish I never met so and so" because if they hadn't meant all that to you and then left you behind in life, well, you wouldn't have realized those things about your self. So don't wish you still knew someone from the past. They don't matter anymore for a reason. Maybe you had only made your self believe they mattered. Maybe they never really mattered.
What's important is to leave very few scars behind. Because the more people you know in life, really really know, the more you will end up hurting. Of course, you can't live life without hurting people. We all hurt people, and people hurt us. But try to hurt as few people as possible. Leave very few scars behind. Its difficult to do, but keep the attachments at a very minimum. Stop mattering to people. And stop allowing people matter to you.
Of course I can say this. I tell my self, that its all okay. I'll let in just this one friend. And then they leave and I feel bad but then I move on. And this goes on and on. But slowly, as the number of people who come and go add up, people matter less and less. Until they are just people. You don't love them and you don't need them.
For the purposes of explaining this, well, someone I've spoken to may be twice would miss me less than someone who I've spoken to a dozen times. And someone I have known for a month will take less time to stop missing me than someone who knew me for one year. In the end, people stop missing us at some point.
And yet, some twisted thing in our mind makes us assume that we will never get over someone. I recently made a 'People of the Past' list. Here I listed the names of the people who once meant a lot to me. The people I pushed away in my life. There are four names on that list. Four people I once loved or thought I did and don't care about anymore. And it's not people who I was once friends with. And maybe have a few short conversations with now. But these are people I've completely cut off.
So I always feared the names that would be added to the list. People who stopped mattering. Then I realized that at some point everyone stops mattering. You stop missing people.
Now if someone you saw on a daily basis just left, you will fear not having them there anymore. Then you will miss them. So lets say a close relative died. At first you'll miss their presence. Then their mug or clothes or whatever will remind you of them. Then those things will be either thrown away or will be used by someone else. And then, slowly you stop missing them. You would suddenly maybe remember them, but you won't miss them.
Yet, why is the process of moving on so difficult? You feel like your world is crumbling to the ground. And then even as soon as a few days later, you won't be waiting for their calls or messages. You move on and its not always because they have been replaced. But because you simply stopped needing them in your life.
Should moving on be so easy? Should we just forget people? Well, that's how life is. You think people are so important to you but then they leave and you realize that they just don't matter anymore.
But sometimes people need to leave. They help you through life and whatnot, but it's when they leave that you understand certain things about your self. And then there's no use of thinking, "I wish I never met so and so" because if they hadn't meant all that to you and then left you behind in life, well, you wouldn't have realized those things about your self. So don't wish you still knew someone from the past. They don't matter anymore for a reason. Maybe you had only made your self believe they mattered. Maybe they never really mattered.
What's important is to leave very few scars behind. Because the more people you know in life, really really know, the more you will end up hurting. Of course, you can't live life without hurting people. We all hurt people, and people hurt us. But try to hurt as few people as possible. Leave very few scars behind. Its difficult to do, but keep the attachments at a very minimum. Stop mattering to people. And stop allowing people matter to you.
Of course I can say this. I tell my self, that its all okay. I'll let in just this one friend. And then they leave and I feel bad but then I move on. And this goes on and on. But slowly, as the number of people who come and go add up, people matter less and less. Until they are just people. You don't love them and you don't need them.
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