Face upto your Fears

 The Nation

We all have our share of fears. Sometimes they extend to phobias. Whether it’s a fear of spiders or a fear of flying, there will always be things that limit us. One of my greatest fears is related to needles. I don’t mind the sight of them, and even touching them. Yet, a needle through my skin, whether it’s to draw blood or inject medicine, is something I fear. This is beyond an acceptable fear of pain. I feel faint and need to hold on tightly to someone’s arm or hand when there’s a needle piercing my skin.

Two years ago, I was down with the flu during a time when the dengue mosquitoes were at work. After three days of fever, the doctor insisted on a blood test. The night before the test, I prayed, even though I usually did not.  I didn’t pray for a painless blood test or the strength to go through with it. I prayed for death because at that point, death seemed better than the torture of drawing blood. Of course, my prayers weren’t answered and the blood test proved to be useless, since as I suspected, the mosquitoes were yet to get to me.

A week or so ago, another blood test was required. My mother explained to the young nurse that I was mortally afraid of needles and let me hold her hand. Once I felt the needle through my skin, I thought to myself, “You are an adult. You better get over this fear. So take that step, and look. Look as the syringe fills with your blood.” I looked, and the nurse kept trying in wane to draw my blood. She then pushed the needle further. Empty syringe. An older nurse pushed the needle even further, and by now I was once more praying for death. They didn’t draw enough blood and then moved on to my other arm. I left the hospital scarred for life.

So I haven’t conquered my fear of needles yet. Even the thought of it makes my skin itch and watching others go through the ordeal makes me faint. Needless to say, I may never go back for a blood test. Somehow those seconds of pain don’t seem worth knowing what’s wrong with you. My faith in medicine is still non-existent.

Moving on to another fear of mine- children. Yes, small humans. Even though I was a kid not that long ago, any child below the age of 10 or 11 gives me the chills. I usually avoid them, although children aren’t easily avoidable. So I tend to not make eye contact, pretend I didn’t see them and walk away. This is because fainting in front of them wouldn’t help either one of us.

Recently a child came up to me and spoke to me. This same child has spoken to me before but I never answered. Children leave me tongue tied, or rather more tongue tied than usual. So when this child asked me a question, I did consider ignoring her. Yet, I wanted to get over that fear. It is simply impossible to live in this world with a fear of children. So I spoke to her. It was one sentence, but it was something. It was that first small step I needed to take to someday be able to talk to a child without any fear.

Someday I will be able to pet a dog without having a panic attack. Someday I will climb the fourth rung of a ladder. They may not seem like real fears and people may laugh at the things that I’m afraid of. Yet, these fears, as silly as they may be, limit how far I can go in life. Fears can be conquered and it can only be overcome by doing something about it and not avoiding them. Don’t sit and think, go and do!