Marriage
I'm definitely too young to talk about marriage. And I'm also too skeptical to talk about marriage. But here goes!
Marriage, just stay away from it as long as possible. Women, do not get married until you are in your late twenties. Men, just. Thirty is the best age. Or after that. Just don't tie the knot before twenty six because you are still too young to be tied down, to be weighed down by marriage.
A neighbor. He has a son, who married at maybe twenty four, to a girl who was nineteen or so. His sister's best friend. His first daughter got married at nineteen or twenty. And his second daughter is nineteen now and I can't help hear the distant sound of wedding bells whenever I see her. The sad part is that I never get invited for all these weddings, so ya, let's see how many people get invited when I get married!
So these men and women, or rather girls and boys are way too young to be getting married. And not only do you have to get used to your spouse, right when you are okay with his/her annoying habit, there's a baby on the way! So then there's annoying spouse and drooling, puking, pooping and peeing baby which soon gets a sibling or two!
And here's the thing. Most of these marriages are arranged. Forget knowing the man for two or so years, forget falling in love with him, just become his wife and then think about all that. So you are entering into this contract (yes, that's what marriage has become) with a stranger. Not even businessmen jump in on deals so quickly!
Now to bring in something that gets me all annoyed every morning is weddings in temples. Getting married has nothing to do with Buddhism. There's no such thing called a Buddhist wedding. Sure, the Buddha has spoken about marriage, and said what is expected of a husband and wife. He even spoke about the various types of marriage. But there was never anything about how and why one should get married.
So why the hell do people go get married in temples? Even a temple with the most corrupt and least Buddhist practices, is still a temple. There is a Bo tree, a shrine room and so on. So why is it also a wedding reception?
Gangaramaya is a temple I've gone to may be once or twice. That too from school. Anyway, I pass it nearly every morning on the way to work and omg the things that come to my mind when I see the place. So the temple proudly shows off its elephant and its classic cars. Why a temple is a museum, I don't know. At least once a week there'll be cars lined by the temple, and the bride and groom and bride's maids and flower girls and page boys will all be dolled up in their not very Sri Lankan clothes. For a wedding in a temple. Which is ridiculous because,
1. Marriage and the act of getting married are not very Buddhist things.
2. It goes against the simple teaching we all try to live by; form no attachments.
3. A temple isn't a place to go all dressed up. We wear the most simple clothes, the lightest colors and are mindful of our behavior. It doesn't make sense to say you can't be noisy in a temple, if you can go through an entire wedding ceremony in one.
Back to marriage. When things go wrong, please go your own way. Do not share a bed with a man who cheated you. Same goes for men. If your wife has betrayed you, have some dignity. Leave.
Something an older man told me once was that when a marriage doesn't work out, the children aren't involved. It's the marriage that went sour, not the family.
Which is the dumbest thing anyone has ever told me. Don't try make a marriage work because of the children. When the kids are old enough to understand, they will forever feel guilty. Also people make mistakes. If the woman you got married to isn't the same as the woman you are married to, then leave her. Not for some trivial issue. But if the grave keeps getting deeper, get out before its too late. Just don't abandon your family completely. You may not be married to someone, but you are still family to someone. And you still have your duties and obligations.
If by any chance I do lose my sanity and want to get married before 28, I've told a friend to talk me out of it. When you are 'in love' you are dumb, and you think you want to live with that person for the rest of your life. But you need to really know a person before you decide to get married.
Don't get married for the wrong reasons. Your marriage could be the one that gives hope to someone as skeptical as I am. Don't disappoint us unmarried people. Not that you should get married for others.
A person I know had a good reason to not get married. He said, "I don't want to wake up one day, look at my wife and realize I don't love her anymore."
Marriage, just stay away from it as long as possible. Women, do not get married until you are in your late twenties. Men, just. Thirty is the best age. Or after that. Just don't tie the knot before twenty six because you are still too young to be tied down, to be weighed down by marriage.
A neighbor. He has a son, who married at maybe twenty four, to a girl who was nineteen or so. His sister's best friend. His first daughter got married at nineteen or twenty. And his second daughter is nineteen now and I can't help hear the distant sound of wedding bells whenever I see her. The sad part is that I never get invited for all these weddings, so ya, let's see how many people get invited when I get married!
So these men and women, or rather girls and boys are way too young to be getting married. And not only do you have to get used to your spouse, right when you are okay with his/her annoying habit, there's a baby on the way! So then there's annoying spouse and drooling, puking, pooping and peeing baby which soon gets a sibling or two!
And here's the thing. Most of these marriages are arranged. Forget knowing the man for two or so years, forget falling in love with him, just become his wife and then think about all that. So you are entering into this contract (yes, that's what marriage has become) with a stranger. Not even businessmen jump in on deals so quickly!
Now to bring in something that gets me all annoyed every morning is weddings in temples. Getting married has nothing to do with Buddhism. There's no such thing called a Buddhist wedding. Sure, the Buddha has spoken about marriage, and said what is expected of a husband and wife. He even spoke about the various types of marriage. But there was never anything about how and why one should get married.
So why the hell do people go get married in temples? Even a temple with the most corrupt and least Buddhist practices, is still a temple. There is a Bo tree, a shrine room and so on. So why is it also a wedding reception?
Gangaramaya is a temple I've gone to may be once or twice. That too from school. Anyway, I pass it nearly every morning on the way to work and omg the things that come to my mind when I see the place. So the temple proudly shows off its elephant and its classic cars. Why a temple is a museum, I don't know. At least once a week there'll be cars lined by the temple, and the bride and groom and bride's maids and flower girls and page boys will all be dolled up in their not very Sri Lankan clothes. For a wedding in a temple. Which is ridiculous because,
1. Marriage and the act of getting married are not very Buddhist things.
2. It goes against the simple teaching we all try to live by; form no attachments.
3. A temple isn't a place to go all dressed up. We wear the most simple clothes, the lightest colors and are mindful of our behavior. It doesn't make sense to say you can't be noisy in a temple, if you can go through an entire wedding ceremony in one.
Back to marriage. When things go wrong, please go your own way. Do not share a bed with a man who cheated you. Same goes for men. If your wife has betrayed you, have some dignity. Leave.
Something an older man told me once was that when a marriage doesn't work out, the children aren't involved. It's the marriage that went sour, not the family.
Which is the dumbest thing anyone has ever told me. Don't try make a marriage work because of the children. When the kids are old enough to understand, they will forever feel guilty. Also people make mistakes. If the woman you got married to isn't the same as the woman you are married to, then leave her. Not for some trivial issue. But if the grave keeps getting deeper, get out before its too late. Just don't abandon your family completely. You may not be married to someone, but you are still family to someone. And you still have your duties and obligations.
If by any chance I do lose my sanity and want to get married before 28, I've told a friend to talk me out of it. When you are 'in love' you are dumb, and you think you want to live with that person for the rest of your life. But you need to really know a person before you decide to get married.
Don't get married for the wrong reasons. Your marriage could be the one that gives hope to someone as skeptical as I am. Don't disappoint us unmarried people. Not that you should get married for others.
A person I know had a good reason to not get married. He said, "I don't want to wake up one day, look at my wife and realize I don't love her anymore."
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