Blaming the Parents

Generally girls are thought to be the favorite of her fathers and boys, the favorite of their mothers. Psychology puts forth various arguments to back this or disagree with it, yet, society still considers this favoritism natural. I was lucky to come from a family where neither my brother nor I were favored. Of course he got the larger share because he was the oldest and I was taught this at a very early age. Sometimes it seemed like my parents bought me more things; yet, I know they spend the same amount on my brother.

To an extent they spoil us, Amma bringing us our morning coffee or tea to our beds, washing, ironing and folding our clothes. Thathee too makes sure we have all we need and never says no to our many requests. My grandmother has a huge say in our lives, but she too has never favored one of us. She lovingly looks into all our needs and [lovingly] scolds us for all our wrongs.

So we were never favored. But I’ve seen parents who favor one child in particular. I won’t mention any names, because I’m sure they know who they are. Since this is a time where facebook statuses are held more worthy than actual words, I know a parent who dedicates most of her status updates to one of her two sons. It’s always about his great achievements; well, as great as what an eleven year old could achieve. I haven’t asked the older son how he feels about this, but if I was the one who wasn’t getting a single status mention, I sure would be disappointed.

But I would also be bitter. Now I know another family where one kid is favored. And this isn’t about facebook statuses. This is about out in the daylight, obvious and staring in your face favoring. Of the kids, the parents dream for one child in particular. Her education, life, health and what not. So the other kids, the oldest, in particular, have to fight for the attention of their parents.

Now some parents totally neglect their other children while others merely treat the special one like royalty. Either way, they don’t love them equally and this is not what a parent should be doing. So the children hate their parents or just stop caring about this.

I was once told that the younger sibling is usually more independent as they grow up alone. Parents show more concern for the older child. Growing up to be independent is good, yet, you are being deprived of the most important kind of love needed in life.

So parents happily forget their other children and focus all their love and attention on one. Then later on in life they complain that the others do not care for them or respect them. I don’t think parents who don’t love their children equally deserve any respect.

Looking at how parents further dig their child’s grave, is the examples they set for the young ones. Parents inconsiderately spit in public, litter and cheat in life. Fathers drink and smoke in front of their children and treat their wives terribly. When the children grow up to be substance using, abusive people, the parents say, “we did so much for you, and is this what you have become?”

Sri Lankan buses are usually quite packed. So when a seat is vacant, the mother or father would tell the child to sit, and the parent would keep on standing. When the child grows up, he or she will not offer their seat to some one older. Some times not even to their parents. Who is responsible? Of course, it’s the parents.

I’m not a parent and don’t wish to be one. But I’m a child, and I know how much my life has been shaped by the way my parents treated me. So parents, treat all of your children equally, love them and look after them. Don’t set a bad example, because today’s child is tomorrow’s adult. And they are useless as adults if you do not teach them the right lessons.