What does it mean to say 'I do'?
At nearly-22, the last thing I need in my life is marriage. Hell! I can't even maintain a friendship with a male for a couple of months. How the hell will I maintain a relationship or marriage? And yet, other people my age don't seem to be sharing similar beliefs. Oh, they are jumping straight into marriage and it sure is scary. So many of my friends are getting engaged or married and I'm freaking out. They are saying 'I do' while I'm still single, crying over fictional characters and binge-eating. It isn't fair, but how can I stop comparing my life with the lives of my batchmates? We grew up together. Shouldn't we be all single, crying over fictional characters and binge-eating?
So people are getting married... people in their early-20s are getting married and I scoff at the idea. I keep saying things like, 'who in their right mind gets married at this age?' and thankfully my parents agree. But all these weddings make me wonder... what exactly is marriage? I mean, what are these people agreeing to?
I used to think that marriage was stability and security. But then... marriage is no longer an 'until death do us part' deal. So what is marriage, then?
Recently, Amma was in this shop buying vegetables. I was standing outside, being of no help, as usual. While I waited for Amma, two young couples came to that same shop to buy vegetables. Now this was a shop in our town and not a grocery store or supermarket. Anyway, everyone had a basket to put the vegetables they wanted in. Both couples seemed a bit lost. Yet, they talked among themselves and decided what vegetables were needed. They decided on how much to buy. All the while I stood outside the store wondering when I'll ever be able to know how much of which vegetables we need at home.
And isn't this what marriage is? Not just buying vegetables but maintaining a house? I know without doubt that I'm not ready for that. I can't plan menus or go grocery shopping on my own or keep an entire house clean. I can't wake up before others and make tea and breakfast and open the windows and plan lunch and wash clothes and clean the house. I can't take care of myself, let alone take care of a house and another person or two. And I sure as hell can't do any of this even if I find a man who will share the chores and not think that it's not a man's job.
Marriage isn't just getting married to the love of your life. Marriage isn't a beautiful wedding. Marriage isn't waking up to the person you love. Marriage is so much more than that. Marriage is responsibility and duties and obligations. Marriage isn't something you sign your way into just because you love someone.
So how do these people do it? How are these young people managing such adult lives?
My biggest fear isn't, however, for my batchmates' lives. If they want to get married, who am I to tell them not to? How can I tell them it's a bad idea? My fear is that we don't understand or know what exactly marriage is.
And this can cause us a lot of trouble. I mean, you are agreeing to this lifelong contract with someone but you don't even fully know what terms and conditions you have agreed to. And more and more people are excusing adultery and they accept that a loveless marriage is reason enough to cheat on your spouse and it's terrifying that people with such beliefs are getting married.
Because here's the thing. When you get married and you invite a bazillion people to your wedding, it can easily be the best day of your life. In fact, you can get married without a fancy wedding, and it can still be the best day of your life. Yet, when you realize that, while you love each other, you aren't meant to be husband and wife, and you go your own separate ways, then you are no longer just two people in this world. Your kids are affected, your parents and families and your friends are affected. You can't and you shouldn't take marriage lightly. It's so much more binding than that. It's so much more than a simple signature or grand wedding.
So don't say I do just because you love someone. Don't say I do just because your parents think it's high time you got married. Even if your culture or religion says that you need to be married by a certain age, you shouldn't be tying the knot until you are ready. Don't say I do because it's your duty or because society expects you to. Don't say I do for the wrong reasons.
There are enough and more right reasons to say I do and even if it takes time, you need to wait for those reasons.
So people are getting married... people in their early-20s are getting married and I scoff at the idea. I keep saying things like, 'who in their right mind gets married at this age?' and thankfully my parents agree. But all these weddings make me wonder... what exactly is marriage? I mean, what are these people agreeing to?
I used to think that marriage was stability and security. But then... marriage is no longer an 'until death do us part' deal. So what is marriage, then?
Recently, Amma was in this shop buying vegetables. I was standing outside, being of no help, as usual. While I waited for Amma, two young couples came to that same shop to buy vegetables. Now this was a shop in our town and not a grocery store or supermarket. Anyway, everyone had a basket to put the vegetables they wanted in. Both couples seemed a bit lost. Yet, they talked among themselves and decided what vegetables were needed. They decided on how much to buy. All the while I stood outside the store wondering when I'll ever be able to know how much of which vegetables we need at home.
And isn't this what marriage is? Not just buying vegetables but maintaining a house? I know without doubt that I'm not ready for that. I can't plan menus or go grocery shopping on my own or keep an entire house clean. I can't wake up before others and make tea and breakfast and open the windows and plan lunch and wash clothes and clean the house. I can't take care of myself, let alone take care of a house and another person or two. And I sure as hell can't do any of this even if I find a man who will share the chores and not think that it's not a man's job.
Marriage isn't just getting married to the love of your life. Marriage isn't a beautiful wedding. Marriage isn't waking up to the person you love. Marriage is so much more than that. Marriage is responsibility and duties and obligations. Marriage isn't something you sign your way into just because you love someone.
So how do these people do it? How are these young people managing such adult lives?
My biggest fear isn't, however, for my batchmates' lives. If they want to get married, who am I to tell them not to? How can I tell them it's a bad idea? My fear is that we don't understand or know what exactly marriage is.
And this can cause us a lot of trouble. I mean, you are agreeing to this lifelong contract with someone but you don't even fully know what terms and conditions you have agreed to. And more and more people are excusing adultery and they accept that a loveless marriage is reason enough to cheat on your spouse and it's terrifying that people with such beliefs are getting married.
Because here's the thing. When you get married and you invite a bazillion people to your wedding, it can easily be the best day of your life. In fact, you can get married without a fancy wedding, and it can still be the best day of your life. Yet, when you realize that, while you love each other, you aren't meant to be husband and wife, and you go your own separate ways, then you are no longer just two people in this world. Your kids are affected, your parents and families and your friends are affected. You can't and you shouldn't take marriage lightly. It's so much more binding than that. It's so much more than a simple signature or grand wedding.
So don't say I do just because you love someone. Don't say I do just because your parents think it's high time you got married. Even if your culture or religion says that you need to be married by a certain age, you shouldn't be tying the knot until you are ready. Don't say I do because it's your duty or because society expects you to. Don't say I do for the wrong reasons.
There are enough and more right reasons to say I do and even if it takes time, you need to wait for those reasons.
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