How to find a man (help for the single ladies)

*includes major spoilers of Aathma*

 

Aathma, which aired on Swarnawahini, just ended, leaving me quite lost and confused. I depended on it for ways to win the heart of my Fake Crush. So basically Aathma goes like this. Muthu Manika, who always wears these teensy weensy dresses, lives in a great big walawwa and hates Daham, the boy who works for them. Her hate is really intense, which is a sign that things will change soon because any idiot knows there love behind hate. So one day Muthu Manika is bitten by a snake and Dahan sucks the venom out of her (this scene is a mere excuse for Daham to touch/lick Muthu Manika’s fair legs). Daham is now in a life or death situation, but of course survives and it’s during this time that Muthu Manika realized she loves Daham. While most of us just love from a distance, Muthu Manika doesn’t keep silent. Instead she tells Daham she loves him and when Daham says something like ‘dude, I’m your servant boy. I can’t love you’ she threatens to jump into a river and of course, Daham then hugs her and says he loves her too.

I honestly think this scene is excellent and I’ve decided to play this out with the Fake Crush at Norris Canal

So the two start ‘dating’ until Muthu Manika’s uncle decides to marry her off to this chubby man, who is only after her money and also happens to get Daham’s sister pregnant (the sister commits suicide because this chubby dude is an inconsiderate moron.) When this happens, Muthu Manike runs away, meets Daham and they start running away from all the people who are chasing behind them with loaded guns. Somehow they are both shot and then die in each others arms. THE END!

Aathma had the potential of teaching many a single woman how to find men, however, its abrupt ending left most of us befuddled. It did teach me a few things about winning a man’s heart though. Below are a few ways to find a man, based on observations I’ve made and movies I’ve watched and books I’ve read.

(Warning! I don’t know if these work.)

1. Talk with a whole lot of guys

So I’m really really bad at talking with people, especially if I’m interested in them. However, looking at those who are either in relationships or those who are asked out often, the key to success is having an inbox packed to the brim. However, each guy can’t know you are chatting with others and you need to make them believe they are the only one you are talking to. 

Your notification bar cannot look like this

2.       Compliment them

A compliment every now and then helps. It shows that you notice them. However, don’t overdo it. That’s so not cool. 

3.       Flirt

Now I can’t flirt. Hell, I can’t even carry on a normal conversation. I went to www.pickuplinesgalore.com to find some pickup lines, and here’s how I would respond to them


Are you an interior decorator? Because when I saw you, the entire room became beautiful.

I think someone just switched on the light. And the color of the walls is amazing!



Are you religious? Because you're the answer to all my prayers.

Actually no. I mean, I don’t even believe prayers are answered.



I'm not a photographer, but I can picture me and you together.

I don’t know, dude. I don’t really pose for pics.



So you see that I’m not really good with flirting or responding to flirting. However, if you can, go for it. And if you can’t, oh well...


4.       Be hard to get

In Gamperaliya, when the dude asks the girl out she says ‘amma kamathi nam math kamathiyi.’ She doesn’t mean ‘I do like you but I need my mother’s approval.’ Instead the girl is saying, ‘getting my mother’s approval is close to impossible. So if you actually succeed, then ya, sure thing.’


5.       Hint, hint and hint

This doesn’t always go that well because men take ages to understand things and may not get the hint. But do try, and if you are lucky they might actually get the hint and understand what you are saying.


6.       Threaten to do something risky

This is exactly what Muthu Manike does in Aathma. However, I honestly think she acted too fast. Ask him, give him a few days and if he still doesn’t give the response you are looking for, then threaten to do something risky. If you plan to do what Muthu Manika did, make sure you aren't wearing your Sunday best and that the river isn’t that deep. If you can’t swim, go for classes and you would be better off having one of those floating doughnuts close by. There's a chance the dude won't catch you before you fall in.


7.       Not very coincidental coincident

It is not coincidence when you just happen to be in the same event as your crush. Stalk them and find out where they’ll be. Make sure you get there too and pretend to be surprised to see them. However, don’t overdo this or they’ll get suspicious.


8.       Talk about them

Say both of you are on Twitter, well, tweet about him. Don’t mention names, or anything too obvious. Slowly he’ll get the hint and you two can live happily ever after.


9.       Get help

If nothing you do works, get a few trustworthy friends to somehow befriend him. They will tease him enough and somehow let him know you are interested.


10.   Have faith

Yes, he may be way out of your league and may not even know you exist, but there’s a chance he has been waiting his entire life to meet someone like you. So never lose faith and always believe he’s the one for you and you’re the one for him.