Belief

I've always had my various issues with belief. At times I was without religion. At times I was a Buddhist. Even now, I'm not sure what I am. But that doesn't matter.

Faith is a funny thing. It's something we can't explain. It's trust, hope and so many other things put together. Faith is something that we always have, something we remember during tragedy. I've had faith. Not always though. There were times when I got by without this thing called faith.

However, I recently found my self going to the temple more and more. This happened at the beginning of the year, I think. Throughout my life, I rarely visited the temple. Even on poya days, I rarely went. And even if I did, it was for an alms giving or some puja. I never got to really think about the Dhamma.

I tend to be skeptical about most temples. They are concrete jungles. They are foreign to me. However, I've been going to more and more previously unvisited temples these days. And they all give me hope. If you are seated before the Bo tree, and close your eyes for meditation, you will open your eyes to a different world. However, it's not the world that has changed, but how you look at it. You notice the little things, the things that make you realize great things.

People may laugh at the flowers we offer to a statue. The oil lamps we light. The water we bathe the Bo tree with. For many, they seem like silly rituals.

However, with each step around the chaitya or Bo tree, I seem to have more faith. I don't know what or whom I have faith in, but I do believe in the power of something. I do believe that if our minds are clear, our thoughts pure and our wishes true, the world, or nature, will do everything it can to make our wishes come true. And it doesn't matter if we offer ten flowers or no flowers at all. As long as you have faith, you can also have hope.

With all the issues and questions I've had regarding temples, monks and temples, I've avoided places of worship of other religions even more. I used to spend time in our school's chapel, and I used to visit kovils/dewalas. However, as I kept believing that no god or gods exist, I avoided these places. It seemed unfair to spend time in a home of god/gods, all the time questioning their existence.

When tragedy strikes, you hold on to whatever belief there is. This is why I found myself in a kovil recently. Looking at all the people doing pujas and praying to all these gods, I couldn't help thinking, "if there is a god somewhere out there, may he..." and my wish. I mayn't have believed, but I had faith in that great something.

This something I believe in, well, it has no name, no religion. It makes me question my beliefs more. However, I'd rather have faith than get lost in manmade laws, rituals and definitions of good and evil. I'd rather not think about heaven, hell or whatever awaits us at death. These things don't matter. Be good, do good.

Most religions, if not all, say that believing in a different religion is a sin. Mithyadushtiya, or false belief, is something found in Buddhism. So many people say they can't take part in rituals of other religions. I've been to kovils. I've been blessed in a chapel. And of course, I've been to temples. I don't believe in all these religions, all rules put down by these various people who lived centuries ago. I don't think religion helps us when our lives are falling apart. It's faith that matters. It's faith that gives us the strength to go forward, to wish, to hope. And it's faith that makes us see those answers to our questions, it's faith that makes our wishes come true.

Have faith. We often can't afford not to