Friendship, as an afterthought

Friendship has always been something intense, requiring a level of commitment and investment. You give your friends your time and energy. A part of your heart, space in your life. You spend time with them, even there is no purpose for that meetup. You care about them, look out for them, and remember things about them.

Maybe this is a rather childish idea of friendship. Do adults really have the time or energy for this sort of thing? I'd like to thing that some of us do. This is why I sometimes have trouble making new friends. If we share a moment that so clearly paves the way for some sort of future together and you don't make an effort to reach out, I will take it as a sign that you are not worth it. If you can't understand the expectations and elements or components of friendship, then one of us is going to deal with more hurt than the other.

But to some, I'm realising, friendship is almost an afterthought. They are flippant about it. They won't invest as much time and energy in it. Friendship is convenient, there when they need it, shelved when they don't.

When I told a friend about this, they told me that it depends on one's personality. And perhaps there is truth to this. Maybe the way we navigate friendship is something that depends on the people we are, the personalities we have cultivated over time.

And maybe this makes it okay that some people don't treat friendship the same way that others do.

And maybe it is our fault for expecting anything from anyone, even when we are looking at a friendship that has made it through quite a few years and several speedbumps. Maybe friendship, as transactional as it is, can never be expected to be so.

But expectations are part of human nature, aren't they? Regardless of what you say, you expect -and hope- for people to return your feelings, be there for you, like similar things, or text back. You want certain things from people and when they don't meet these expectations, you are disappointed and you feel hurt.

This disappointment and hurt can be easier to move past when you haven't put in much time into building a friendship. But what happens when the nature of the friendship changes as the people involved grow up and slowly become different versions of themselves?

Is a friendship still salvageable in such a situation? Can we hope that one is made aware of the other's expectations or that the other doesn't let their disappointment or hurt get in the way? Or do you strip that friendship off anything special or binding?

Do you become friends who can spare time for a drink once in a while but never stay long enough or dig deep enough to really get to know each other?