Why I behave the way I do at events

Whenever I go for an event, I eventually find myself being forced to have conversations with people, and even though I love the people I meet, I sometimes just want to sit in a corner and pretend there’s no one around me. There are three types of events I go for.

One: The kind I agree to go for, to meet friends (example: Say it with coke or TweetupSL)

Two: Events I feel obliged to go to, or must go to because my presence is expected (example: lunch with the family or certain friends)

Three: Assignments (example: press conferences)

My thoughts about events depend on the type of event. So in hopes of making people realize why I’m awkward at events, I’ll put it down in writing. Why do I behave the way I do at events. One of the biggest complaints is that I don’t actually do anything. I don’t talk or socialize. I just stand or sit in one place and look lost and scared. This is because I’m busy with my thoughts and answering the questions put forth by my brain.

(I’m not crazy. I just have a lot of conversation with myself. A lot of people do this, and some say, the behavior of the majority defines what is considered normal)

I haven’t really thought of the reasons, so this post is mostly a way for me to understand my own behavior or thoughts.

(These are separate thoughts. They are not things I say aloud to people)

Type one

When I accept the invitation: OMG an event! I’ll meet my friends. I have no work on that day. I can totally go for it and have fun

A few days later: Maybe I made a wrong decision. Is there any way I can fake transport problems?

A few days before the event: Oh god! This is the worst decision I have ever made. When will I learn that I don’t do well at events! Gah!

The day of the event: I can’t do this. I’m too shy and scared and always so tongue-tied. I’ll just not show up, and pretend I forgot or something.

As soon I get to the venue: What if no one I know is here and no one speaks to me so I have to just stand in a corner and everyone thinks I’m an idiot or a pervert?

At the event: I’ll just rummage through my bag, find my phone, check the time, put it back in my bag and repeat the process

Close to the end of the event: This is quite fun, and the people are nice and I should totally do this again

When leaving the place: Nooo! The night should never end. I love these people!

Once I get home: I actually survived it. Go, Shailee!

Type two

When I ‘accept’ the invitation: God! Why do I have to be related to/friends with these people! They hate me and I hate them and no one will talk to me so there’s no use in going

A few days later: I’ll just pretend I don’t have to go and avoid talking with anyone who might be at the event. Maybe they’ll forget I exist

A few days before the event: Oh lord! Every single time, the same jokes, the same food, the same people. It would save us all time and energy if we just watch a video of the previous event. Gah!

The day of the event: I feel sick. My entire body hurts! I think it’s the flu. My body is warm too.

As soon as I get to the venue: Just smile at people. If they come close to you, walk away. You can do this.

At the event: These are the most boring people I’ve ever met. Honestly! Drunk after a single cocktail? Jesus, dude! So lame. And yap yap yap! It’s always about them, and what they are doing and their love lives!

Close to the end of the event: Shailee! Wake up! Keep your eyes open. Do not fall asleep now. There, stare at your phone screen. The light may wake you up. Just nod and say yes to whatever they say. This is the last bit. You’ll go home soon.

When leaving the place: OMG! Maybe there is a god and this god actually helped me survive the day!

Once I get home: Worst. Day. Ever.

Type three

When I’m asked to go for the event: Oooh I love these sort of events. They are so much of fun and you can write so much about it

A few minutes later: Crap! I have to go alone. Maybe I’ll just procrastinate and then conveniently miss the event

A few minutes before leaving for the event: Shit shit shit! I hate my job

As soon as I get to the venue: Okay, now to pretend I’m looking for something in my bag, wait for another journalist or photographer and follow them to where the event is being held

At the event: Hahahaha that guy’s tie! And OMG her accent!

Close to the end of the event: Transport better already be here! Or I might slaughter someone

Waiting for transport: Okay so I’ll just sit somewhere and pretend I’m busy tying the story when I’m actually on Twitter. Hahaha that tweet though. Oh bugger! They may think I’m crazy, sitting alone and laughing

When leaving the place: Which way do I go? Forget it! I’ll just wait for someone to leave and then follow them out.

Once I get to office: Meh! That wasn’t bad. The perks of the job!