What we expect from our parents

We are told to love and respect our parents. We are asked to always listen to them and do as we are told. However, rarely can we ask why we should respect them. And even if we do ask that question, the answer will be, 'because they have sacrificed and done so much for you.' Looking at the number of abortions and orphans makes one wonder though, if parents are doing their job anymore.

Recently, I was being dropped off to BMICH by one of our office drivers. He was talking about an accident that had happened, where a three wheeler driver, who was at fault, had demanded money from him. This is what he said, as I remember it.

"ඉස්සරනම් මම ඕන දෙයක් කරනවා. ඒ බඳින්න කලින්. දැන් මට පවුලක් තියෙනවා. මොනවහරි කරලා හිරේ ගියොත් මගේ දවල් කෑම එක ගේන්නේ බිරිද. නැත්නම් දරුවා. මම ඒකට ඉඩ තියන්නේ නැහැ."

(For those who don't understand/can't read the above: he said, "I would have done anything before I got married. Now I have a family. If I do something and go to prison, my wife will have to bring me my lunch. Or my child will have to. I won't let that happen.")

Hearing this made me wonder about what is expected from a parent. Not by society but by children. Here are a few things I expect from my parents, and qualities I look for in parents.

1. Be there. Always. Now, I know that parents have work to do, money to earn and chores to attend to. They too need to have their own life. So I don't mean being there in a physical sense. But I need to know I can call you, or somehow get through to you at anytime of the day. It could be twelve noon or twelve midnight, but if the need arises, you must be there for me.

2. I need to know I can depend on you. Not just financially. I need to know that when things get crazy, you will keep me sane. I should know that when I have no place to go to, you will always welcome me back.

3. Forgive me. I will make mistakes. I will say things I shouldn't say, and do things I shouldn't do. I will go against your wishes, and I will hurt you. But if I come to you looking for forgiveness, it is because I now know and understand the mistakes I made. So if it ever comes to that I need you to forgive me.

4. Never stop loving me. Even though I pretend to not care, I need a lot of love and need to be taken care of, So I need to know that you will never stop loving me. I need to be able to feel your love even if we are miles apart.

5. Be happy together. My parents aren't together, but they do work together when it comes to matters involving my brother and I. Just don't be an absent parent, and don't abandon whoever you had a child with. We grow up believing in the existence of a perfect family. While we shouldn't believe in fairy tales, don't be in a hurry to show us how wrong our beliefs our. Even if you don't get along, make an effort just so your child will feel happy.

6. Don't hurt each other. A child should never see their parents cry, unless it's at a funeral or some such event. There's a campaign against domestic violence and one of the signboard says, "අම්මට රිදුනම අපිටත් රිදෙනවා තාත්තේ." Don't ever let your child have such thoughts. There's no greater betrayal.

7. Your child must always be given first place. Never ever put work or friends before your family. Make an effort to spend time with your child. Don't make them feel forgotten.

8. This is about both number 1 and number 7. Today, we see many families where both parents work. However, at least during your child's early years, make sure he or she is taken care of by at least one parent. Don't leave your child with a nanny. This crates a great gap between parent and child. And it is not a gap that is easy to close.

There's more to the list, but for now, this is it :)