Words are meant to be used

First of all; I hear a lot of things. I don't always listen in, but most things said around me somehow remain in my mind.

Today, on my way home from work, it was raining and dark. Which meant that I couldn't read and all I could do was whatsapp a friend. So I was sitting there, in the middle of two ladies, who insisted on using their travel time to speak with their special someones. Now the lady on my left is happy with her man, so there was no issue there. But the lady on my right, a recent addition to the staff transport van was breaking up with her man. She had an issue with him, which she explained very well.

The issue

She felt the communication between them wasn't a two way communication. She complained tht she had to always call him, and he never started conversations with her.

My first thought was, "leave the man. If he can't be bothered to start a conversation, he's not worth it." Then I realized that I did the exact same thing. I never start conversations and rarely make an effort to continue conversations. And people have complained. So many of my friends have told me that I never say hello first. And my excuse was that if they cared enough, they would make the effort. Somehow they never threw that question at me. They mostly just gave up and left.

So there was this friend. And we used to talk a lot, on the phone. And I've called him only five times.

1st time was when there was a missed call from him.

2nd time was when he had promised to be there, and he was late.

3rd time was when we needed him, and he was MIA.

4th time was when he sent me a long message and I needed to reply.

So during our three month friendship I called him four times, whereas he called me at least twice a week.

Another friend left because I never bothered to send him any messages. So when he stopped bothering, our friendship died.

Recently, my communication issues became very obvious. I don't usually work on Saturdays, but I had to last week. Instead of coming back by bus, I asked my brother to pick me up, even though this meant I had to stay on at office for quite some time. Anyway, around seven he was still not there. So I called him only to learn he was on his way home(after hanging out with some friends) without me, thanks to an unclear message from me.

So communication has always been my weakness. I've never shown much interest in talking with people, and start conversations with maybe just two people.

Yet, when it comes to the various relationships we have, communication is key. We need to make an effort to talk to people. We need to say those first words. Often, we wait for the other to talk first, and so there are many missed opportunities in our life.

Recently, I decided to talk to a friend. To talk about everything so that I can let go of everything. Then I changed my mind, because I didn't want to bother him. Why disturb settled waters? But this is something I always do, I always avoid talking to people. And so often rely on my blogs or diaries or various online accounts to get my messages across.

However, we need to always talk to people. It may be difficult, it may push us out of our comfort zones, but without talking to people, we can never be ourselves. And so our unwillingness to make that first move, makes relationships difficult to maintain. Our silence ends relationships, and we end up not telling our story.