What do we owe each other?

A few incidents that happened recently had me wondering why people didn’t think they owe others an explanation, particularly in situations that affect both parties. If I wake up today to a message saying a friend wants nothing to do with me, do I not deserve an explanation? If I wake up to a message from an employer saying they don’t need my services anymore, do I not deserve an explanation?

I say this, but when the roles are reversed, do I really give people an explanation for the decisions I make or the things I do? I’m not quite sure.

I remember talking to someone a while back about the importance of communication. And yet, when it came to it, I did a pretty bad job of communicating what was on my mind. So then, as much as I love dissecting things in my mind and revisiting things in conversations with others, am I also not doing the bare minimum for someone who is affected by what I do?

I remember years ago, I was complaining about something a friend did. The person who had to listen to my complaining asked me if I had communicated this with said friend. Had I told them I didn’t like it when they did xyz?

“If we are friends, then they would know not to do it,” I said. But how is that fair? How can I expect someone to know about these unwritten or unspoken rules and expectations within a friendship?

What do we owe our friends? Do we owe them explanations and truth? Do we owe them patience and kindness? Do we owe them love and safety?

Or do we owe them nothing? Do we become people who can’t think beyond themselves and their needs?

I feel like, as adults, we put things like romantic relationships, family, and jobs before our friends. We slowly deprioritise them. We don’t make time for them. But then, what happens when we need someone to talk to? To have a drink with? To share some gossip with?

Do we then suddenly rewrite the rules of friendship to our benefit?

Is that really fair? Do we not owe our friends what we expect from them?

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