Personal #1

The truth is, I want to feel the same things that other people do. I want to be able to date people or be in a relationship without frantically looking for exit signs from day one or fearing physical intimacy because it makes me feel like I'm not even human.

I want to be able to flirt without worrying about mixed signals and I want to be able to enjoy a quiet night with someone without my mind cranking up the volume on my inner thoughts.

I want to be able to feel something, anything when someone touches me. I don't want to think of a future alone, deprived of one of the simplest joys in life.

The truth is, I really do want to build a life with someone. I want to love and be loved. I want companionship, someone to talk to when it is 2 in the morning and I can't sleep.

I want to know someone inside out. I want to love them so much it hurts. But I want to love them so much I don't want to leave, to run, to flee.

And I want to stop having to pretend I'm okay with the cards life has dealt me. I want to scream that I am not content with them, that I want more in life.

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