Personal #1

The truth is, I want to feel the same things that other people do. I want to be able to date people or be in a relationship without frantically looking for exit signs from day one or fearing physical intimacy because it makes me feel like I'm not even human.

I want to be able to flirt without worrying about mixed signals and I want to be able to enjoy a quiet night with someone without my mind cranking up the volume on my inner thoughts.

I want to be able to feel something, anything when someone touches me. I don't want to think of a future alone, deprived of one of the simplest joys in life.

The truth is, I really do want to build a life with someone. I want to love and be loved. I want companionship, someone to talk to when it is 2 in the morning and I can't sleep.

I want to know someone inside out. I want to love them so much it hurts. But I want to love them so much I don't want to leave, to run, to flee.

And I want to stop having to pretend I'm okay with the cards life has dealt me. I want to scream that I am not content with them, that I want more in life.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Choosing happiness

You know, it used to really piss me off when people said things like "you should choose happiness." It seems ridiculous that I would wallow in bloody unhappiness when I could just easily choose to be happy. I couldn't wake up in the morning and choose how to feel, now could I? But now I'm realising that maybe it's not about that daily choice, but about choosing happiness in the face of certain situations. You look at whatever has happened in your life and ask yourself how you want to feel in life... not about the situation itself, not about how certain things or people made you feel, but about what you want in life. You can choose to be unhappy, hurt, angry, whatever. And sometimes, those feelings right all those wrongs. People realise that they fucked up. That they made you feel like shit. But sometimes they don't. They think that you are being unreasonable. You are expecting too much. You are imagining shit. And in such situations, it's sometimes easier ...
Read more

What schools should teach us

Image
What Your Schools Didn’t Teach You is the title of an opinion-piece by Thisuri Wanniarachchi, published in Colombo Telegraph. The article was liked by some and disliked by others. There are a few issues with what Wanniarachchi writes. Not all of it is crap as most point out, but the article seems lazy, in my opinion. 1. First of all: School is one (very important) step of the way. Life doesn’t end there, but it still matters School is where most of my memories are. When I am older, these will be the memories I remember the most. I love the university I attend and I love the degree I follow. I also love my job and all the people I meet and know. But there’s something much more special about childhood and school. Both schools I attended are places I love and feel a connection to when I pass by. School is important. We may be ‘just kids’ when we are in school, but without that immaturity, there can’t be maturity. We may look back at all the silly things we did as ki...
Read more
අපි ආදරය කරන අයගෙන් අපිව අත්කරන්නට ජීවිතය තැත් කරයි. බොහෝ විට එය සිදුවන්නේ අපගේ සිහින හෝ අරමුණු හරහාය. එහෙත් අපි ආදරය නිසා අපේ සිහින අමතක නොකළ යුතුය. එය ජීවිතයේ කොටසක් යයි සිතා අපි යායුතු ගමන තනියම හෝ යායුතුමය.
Read more