Perfect Guy List
Like most people, even those who deny it, I love lists. I
love making lists. I love knowing that a day or life can be sorted out, organized
and properly dealt with with something as simple as a list. From grocery lists to
bucket lists, I love them. Of course, I rarely remember their existence for
long enough to tick off most or all items on the list but that’s a whole other
story.
When I got to my mid-teens and even late-teens, the PGL went through some changes. It wasn’t enough that a guy looked nice. He also had to be cool. And at that age, cool meant partying, drinking and being the kind of guy my mother had warned me about. Even though I spent my days reading, my perfect guy couldn't be the boring guy who spends all day with a book. No, I wanted some spice in the mix.
One of the lists that I rarely talk about now is the Perfect
Guy List or PGL. I remember talking about the PGL with my cousins and deciding
on what we would include in our individual lists. And since we were in our
early teens, we thought good looks meant a good person. I never even took into
consideration my too wide smile, frizzy hair, blotchy face and ordinary
features. I didn’t care that I was more like the ugly stepsisters than I was
like Cinderella who was, after all, the one that Prince Charming chose.
Reality didn’t matter. What I saw when I looked in the
mirror didn’t matter. The PGL was about what we wanted our Prince Charming to
look like. And it never hit me that this perfect guy I imagined didn’t even
exist.
And so the PGL included things like handsome, cooks for me,
does all the housework, has money, has a big house. The perfect guy had to be
cute, preferably play the guitar, and he had to be tall and thin. Thank god I
never wrote this list in a notebook because I would be embarrassed to read it
now. But it is the truth. And it’s something that was a result of the books I
read and the films I watched. It’s always gorgeous and handsome men who play
the leading male roles in films. Hell, even animated films have gorgeous men.
And so I thought that my happily ever after depended on a handsome man.
When I got to my mid-teens and even late-teens, the PGL went through some changes. It wasn’t enough that a guy looked nice. He also had to be cool. And at that age, cool meant partying, drinking and being the kind of guy my mother had warned me about. Even though I spent my days reading, my perfect guy couldn't be the boring guy who spends all day with a book. No, I wanted some spice in the mix.
In films, the nerdy guy never gets the girl. And so, I didn’t
want a nerdy guy. Like the female lead in films, I too wanted the popular
guy.
Thankfully, the PGL went through a major change when I left
school and left those shallow and immature expectations from men behind. I grew
up. I started working and met people from various backgrounds, cultures and
even different parts of the country. And I didn’t just read any book or watch
any film. I was more careful about the content I exposed myself to.
With this came an understanding of the world. And so the
PGL changed once again. Handsome, good looking and anything to do with appearance
was cut off the list. My perfect guy didn’t have to drink or go to parties. He
had to read books and his idea of a date had to involve a bookstore and the
purchase of books. I wanted a man I could talk to for hours and hours. I looked
for someone who I could have proper conversations with. Someone I loved and
cared for.
And so the PGL became more realistic. And my expectations
from guys also became more realistic. I wasn’t attracted to people simply
because of their looks. Men who read the books I did or introduced me to books
or songs or films and were content taking long walks or chatting over coffee
became my type. I no longer cared if they played the guitar or drank
or were tall and cute.
And now, slowly, the PGL is changing once again. Now it’s
not just about finding a guy who likes the same books or films as I do. It’s
not only about finding a man who loves to travel and see the world. Even though
I’m 22 and still at that age when I don’t want commitment or marriage, don’t
want to settle down, and want to live in the present, the PGL is more about the
future.
My idea of the perfect guy is someone who wants the same
things as I do from a family. He shouldn’t force me to give up my job or
dreams. He should be supportive and kind. He needs to understand that I may
never find a job that pays well or has regular working hours.
He has to help with the cooking and cleaning and help me
build not my dream home but our dream home.
And I know that as I continue to grow up and understand more
about the world, I will change. And so will the PGL. And that’s completely fine.
Except that the PGL is no longer about what makes a guy perfect but what makes
someone perfect for me. It’s not about finding someone who is perfect in the
world’s eyes but someone that I want to share a life with.
I know that while writing about the first edition of the
PGL, I said I was thankful I never wrote any of it down. But I now wish I did.
Looking at the way the PGL has changed over the years would give me an idea of
how I have grown as a person. And each change made to the list will remind me,
at my most stubborn moments, that change is important. And that it’s okay that
I am not the person I was a year, or even a month, ago.
And it’s also a reminder that we will make mistakes in life
and that we will make the wrong decisions and we will choose the wrong people. But
that’s okay because we learn from those mistakes and decisions. We learn about
other people, we learn about the world and most importantly, we learn so much about
ourselves.
And this is what life is all about. So when you turn red
with embarrassment when you remember the early versions of your Perfect Guy
List, give yourself a break. Laugh about how silly you used to be and be happy
and even proud of how much you have changed, from being a giddy teen to a mature
adult.
Also remember that no one will meet all the requirements of your PGL. And that that too is okay. It's also okay to be with someone who doesn't meet a single one of your requirements. Because people are complicated and relationships are complicated. That's just part of life.
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