An apology for taking a stand against harassment

There is a river that cuts through a village. The villagers use a bridge to cross the river and this bridge is used daily. After years of being walked on, one fine day, the bridge crashes to the river below. There was a man crossing the bridge at that time and he fell into the river. At first the villagers wondered how that man’s weight was enough to bring the bridge crashing down. Slowly, they realized that while it is what made the rope keeping the bridge in place finally snap, that man wasn’t the sole reason for the bridge to collapse. After years and years of being used and after years and years of rain and sun, the bridge finally gave up and collapsed.

I doubt there is a single woman in this country who hasn’t been harassed, especially by a man. Even girls as young as ten are leered at. We grow up hearing disgusting comments about nearly everything about our bodies. We tolerate it, we put up with it because it’s even worse when we raise our voice against these monsters that we deal with on a daily basis. We keep quiet because we would rather pretend we didn’t hear that comment about our ass, than deal with something worse, like rape. Yes, we do keep quiet because that seems safer. But at some point, we will snap.

This is obviously about the Wariyapola incident. Watching the video, it looks staged. It looks like the girl was slapping that man for other reasons; to prove some point that I don’t know of. But if you look at the incident as it is presented to us, a man makes a comment about a girl, the girl snaps and starts slapping him and shoves him. His head knocks on the walls behind him. He apologizes but she continues to shout at him and hits him.

I’m not saying women could just go around beating up men. But men too should stop with those looks, words, touches and everything else. I’m sure this girl has had to listen to so many such comments, she has had to deal with so many wandering hands. So many bodies pressing against her. So many men staring at her body. So she has had enough of being treated like some worthless object. And I’m sorry this man had to pay the price for those actions of other men but as someone who has had to deal with disgusting men, I’d say those three or four slaps aren’t enough.

Men make us feel disgusted, guilty and ugly. No matter how we behave or what we wear, someone always have some disgusting comment to make. And this needs to stop.

I know that not all men do this. Not everyone harasses women. But the majority of men harass women in one way or another. You know how you were checking out some girl at a store? She was flattered at first, but slowly doubt clouds her mind. Were her clothes too tight or too revealing? Was her behavior indecent? What was she doing wrong?

I don’t know if I will ever snap and slap a man for harassing me. But if that ever happens, I wouldn’t want people to think my behavior is outrageous. Think of the wife who goes through years of abuse from her husband. She puts up with it. Until one day, she has had enough and like that bridge, she finally snaps. And when this happens, people can call her names. A bitch, a slut, there are so many words used to insult us. And these only get worse when we snap and finally take a stand against years of abuse.

"But he apologized," people argue. Oh, so if I shoot you and then apologize, does this mean I can walk away without being punished? Is it okay to commit a crime as long as you apologize?

“Men. They are all the same,” women say. This isn’t because every man is a monster. No, there are good guys too. But sometimes it seems like all men are after has something to do with sex. You can’t smile at a man without a disgusting comment as a response. You can’t sit next to a man in a bus without his hand somehow reaching for your body. You can’t walk past a man without catcalls. You can’t talk with a man without him expecting something more than just friendship from you.

There are good guys out there. I know quite a lot of decent, good guys. But I have come across a larger number of disgusting men who let their (sexual) frustrations get the best of them. We pretend to not see and not hear and not care, we pretend we haven’t been victim to sexual harassment but this is mostly because we are tired of the look of surprise of other people. We are tired of having to prove that we aren’t just imagining it. And we are sick and tired of being treated like objects, sexual objects.

We are tired and if men (and now, even other women) don’t get their shit together and stop harassing us, there will be more Wariyapola incidents. There will be much more and there should have been much more too.

And if you think we are over-reacting, that we need to just put up with the harassment, well, sorry. Sorry for snapping, sorry for not being more tolerant, sorry for arousing you, sorry for being female.

Sorry for wearing tops that expose our arms, shoulders and necks even though men still walk around topless. Sorry for wearing skinny jeans even though men do too. Sorry for wearing knee-length skirts even though men wear shorts or pull up their sarongs to their knees. Sorry for having an ass and boobs but you’ll have to ask god or Mother Nature, or whoever is responsible for us being this way, why we look like this. Sorry for being what we are. Sorry for existing.

(While it may seem like I'm justifying the Wariyapola girl's behavior, I really don't know the whole story to say if what she did was right or wrong. And who am I to judge? But if its a simple case of a woman taking a stand against harassment, I can't say that I wouldn't have done the same thing to that man or any other man who makes some crude, sexual comment.)